Chapter 12 — Marsh's Journals

She went home to her mother's house and told David what she'd found. She watched his face as she read the journal entry aloud — watched for the flatness, the ironed quality, and found none of it. He was still himself. Still specific. She exhaled in a way she hadn't fully let herself exhale since he'd come down those attic stairs."Without remainder," he said."Yes.""Who does it?"She looked at him. "I do.""Nora—""I have been the one who hasn't wavered," she said. "From the beginning. Eleanor's husband opened the door because he heard someone in trouble — because some part of him wanted to help more than he was afraid. You opened it because you're built the same way. I didn't open it. I stood at the bottom of those stairs and called your name." She paused. "I'm the one who has to go back."He looked at her for a long moment."Not alone," he said."You can be at the bottom of the stairs.""I can be at the bottom of the stairs," he agreed.* * *They left the children at her mother's house with instructions and a level of honesty calibrated to age. Owen got a simplified version that was mostly true. Lily got the full version, minus the parts that were operationally unnecessary, because Lily would have seen through the omissions anyway."You're going to tell it to leave," Lily said."Yes.""And you have to mean it completely.""Yes."Lily considered this. "You do mean it completely," she said finally. "You were never curious about it. Not even once."Nora thought about it. She had been afraid, yes. She had been methodical. She had never once wanted to open the attic door."No," she said. "Not even once."Lily nodded. "That's good," she said. "That's what it hasn't been able to find in you. That's why it went to Dad and then to Owen and then to me."Nora looked at her daughter."I have a little curiosity," Lily admitted. "Not enough to open a door. But a little.""That's normal.""I know." She looked up. "You don't have any, do you. About it. You just want it to stop.""Yes," said Nora. "I just want it to stop."Lily nodded again. "Then you can do it," she said. "I think you're the first person in that house who could."