Chapter 6 — Dinner

"What did you think when you got here this morning? When you saw him." A pause. "I'm not asking for a competitive reason. I'm asking because I think you're a person who knows what she feels and I've been curious about it all day."Aanya looked at her chai. She considered the honest answer and the safe answer and the gap between them."I thought he looked like himself," she said. "More than before, if that makes sense. Like the version at twenty-two was — preliminary. And this one has settled into something real." She paused. "And then I thought: I'm glad for him. And then I thought: this is going to be a hard day." She looked at Priya. "Both of those were true at the same time."Priya nodded. She was quiet for a moment."Do you still love him?" she said."Priya—" Kabir said."It's all right," Aanya said. She looked at Priya steadily. "That's the most important question in the room and you're the only one brave enough to ask it." She took a breath. "I loved who he was at twenty-two. I think I would have loved who he became. But I didn't get to—that time passed without us in it, and you can't love a person you haven't known for five years." She paused. "What I feel for him is—the shape of something that was going to be love. Which is different. And it's mine to deal with, not yours to worry about."Priya looked at her."You're remarkable," Priya said. Quietly, without performance."I'm practical," Aanya said."Sometimes," Priya said, "those are the same thing."Kabir was looking at his cup.Aanya thought: leave tomorrow. The morning bus. Tell them you have work. Tell them whatever. Leave.She thought: if you stay another day, you are going to tell him. And you cannot tell him. Because the moment you tell him, you make his choice for him. And his choices are not yours to make.